Here is an introduction to our first ever Mini Quilt Block Drive Mama - Tricia!
As you can see she has this cause we work for at the very heart of her being so I hope you will respond with great enthusiasm and give her a wonderful warm welcome! Over to you Tricia...
When
Nicky Eglinton told me that she was looking for people to host a mini block
drive for Siblings Together I volunteered to help immediately, because this is
something close to my heart. I was subjected to serious abuse as a child but
somehow, I don’t know how, I knew that if I told anyone what was happening to
me, my family would be broken up and I might not see my siblings again.
When
I moved to California as an adult and I did not have a visa to work, I decided
that I wanted to do volunteer work instead and that maybe I could use my
childhood experiences to work with abused children. I became a Court Appointed
Special Advocate, working one to one with children in the foster care system. I
had access to all aspects of the child’s life and would meet with them
regularly and also make reports and recommendations to the court when their
case came up for review. It was through this work that I first became aware of
how often siblings were separated because there weren’t enough foster care
placements that could take them. Whenever I worked with a child who had been
separated from their siblings I did what I could to arrange for them to get
together and share some fun activities. My thinking was that if I could help
them to create positive memories together, it would at least give them
something in common and something they could reminisce about as they got older
– ‘Remember that time we did…’.
Searching
for activities for them, I became involved with a charity that organised out
reach programmes for children in care, and I ended up becoming Chairman of the
Board. We held week-long camps in the mountains for the younger children, where
they slept in teepees, with no running water or electricity which was quite a
culture shock to them! I loved driving groups of children to camp and hearing
their questions and concerns ‘But what will we do without tv?’ When I picked
them up at the end of the week they had always, without fail, had a wonderful
time, and were left with many happy memories. We also ran backpacking trips
with donkeys for teenagers, and day long activities, and I organised a talent
show for the children every year. I could see first hand the powerful effect
that these activities had on the lives of these children.
However,
I often felt frustrated that I couldn’t do more to help them, so when I
returned to England I did a post-grad degree in psychotherapy. I wrote my
dissertation on dissociation, researching the lifelong effects of early years
trauma, and in my private practice I work with adults, many of who have
experienced abuse or neglect as children.
The
volunteer work I did also had an impact on my family, with my son giving up his
PhD because he wanted to be a teacher. His wife has become a Special Needs
teacher, and often encounters children within the system. My youngest daughter
is a senior social worker, and works in Child Protection, which means that she
is the person who has to remove children and place them in foster care. Through
her I have learned how the system works in this country. I think it’s a shame
that social workers are given a tough time by the public, often seen as child
snatchers, even though removing children is always a last resort. It is
actually enshrined in law that every attempt should be made to keep families
together whenever possible by providing support, and when that can’t happen,
siblings should not be automatically separated. (There are times when siblings
have to be separated because of the nature of the abuse.) My daughter has told
me that when children are removed they can often be moved several times in the
first week alone, and the chances of them staying together at that point are
very slight. Extensive assessments are carried out to determine the needs of
each child, and if the recommendation is that siblings should be kept together,
placements are sought where this can happen. Unfortunately, there just aren’t
enough suitable foster homes to cope with the need, and it then becomes the
duty of the social worker to try to maintain contact with the siblings,
although because of the pressures within the system, this may only happen 3 or
4 times a year. This is where an organisation whose sole purpose is to
facilitate these sibling relationships through the activities they organize in
the way that Siblings Together does becomes so important.
Throughout
my life I have been a maker. I remember knitting for a new sister when I was
nine years old, and embroidering my Irish dance costume when I was still in
primary school. A few years ago, through my son’s mother-in-law, I discovered
quilting, and a new addiction was born. When I joined Instagram I eventually
discovered this group and it felt like the different strands of my life fell
into place.
I
have been asked ‘Why quilts? How do they help?’ and I wanted to share my
thoughts.
The
life of a child in foster care is a hard one. Although we want children to be
removed from an abusive or neglectful environment, how much thought do most
people give to what happens next? There is often a stigma attached to being in
foster care, and it’s not unusual for these children to become disruptive or
develop learning difficulties. They are often moved from placement to placement
with their few possessions stuffed in black plastic bags.
Imagine
then, how a quilt might become a prized possession for them. If they were given
the quilt while at a camp with siblings, it becomes imbued with happy memories
and becomes a tangible connection to each other. Add to that the idea that a
stranger cared enough about them to make it for them and it can come to
symbolize hope.
These
are not random thoughts, they are firmly rooted in psychological theory. Donald
Winnicott was a British paediatrician and psychoanalyst who had a huge
influence on how children are raised. He coined the term ‘transitional object’
and wrote extensively on its importance. This is an object, often a blanket or
toy that gives security to a baby or child as they encounter changes in their
lives. More and more the importance of these objects is recognised and some
schools allow children to take their favourite object into the classroom. Adults
also have their transitional objects although they might take a different form
– a favourite armchair or item of clothing, a piece of music an activity –
whatever it is, we draw comfort from it. At a time in my life when I was going
through a huge trauma, I was often seen wearing an old sweatshirt of my son’s
because it brought me comfort, and I knit or stitch when I’m stressed.
Making
a quilt for Siblings Together is a special activity for me. As I cut and stitch
I think of the child who might receive it. I put as much thought and love into
the quilt as I possibly can, and I hope that it will provide many years of
comfort for a child as they travel on their journey in life. I am amazed by how
many people participate in this project and beyond happy to help with the block
drive. I look forward to putting the blocks together, knowing that each one has
been made with great thought and kindness.
